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Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store.

“Have you ever seen one of these before?” one asked.

“Yeah, my mom and dad have one,” the other replied.

“What’s it for?” asked the first boy.

“I don’t know,” the second one answered. “I think you stand on it and it makes you mad.”

—John Veltkamp

A great bumper sticker: “Honk if you love Jesus. Text while driving if you want to meet him.”

—Martha Westdorp

Mr. Jones said to his doctor, “It’s been more than a month since my last visit, and I still feel miserable.”

“Well,” said the doctor, “did you follow the instructions on the bottle of medicine I gave you?”

“I sure did,” Mr. Jones replied. “It said ‘keep tightly closed.’”

—Gladys Gritter

Apreacher decided one Sunday morning that he was going to put the fear of God into his congregation. So he began his sermon by saying, “Remember, everyone in this congregation is going to die.” Then he noticed a fellow sitting up front smiling broadly. When the preacher asked him why, the young man responded, “I’m not from this congregation.”

—Agnes Lindeman

While listening to one of my kindergarten friends recite the Lord’s Prayer, I couldn’t help but smile at the following: “Forgive us our debts as we eat our dinners.”

—Dawn DeYoung

A few days after we changed our clocks this spring, my 12-year-old son asked me, “When do we get our hour of sleep back?”

“Not until November,” I told him.

His head immediately drooped and his shoulders slumped.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“I’m going to lose an hour of sleep every night until November,” he replied incredulously. “I’m going to be exhausted!”

—Bruce Vaandrager

We were passing a cemetery one day, and my 3-year-old daughter, Nina, saw a cross. She said, “Mommy, Jesus died on the cross for us . . . but now he lives in my heart . . . and he can’t get out.”


—Amanda Pasma

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