On evening Ole and Lena were relaxing in their living room. Lena was knitting and Ole was reading the Bible. Ole said, “Lena, I just came to the conclusion that Noah was crazy.”
“And how in the world did you come to that conclusion?” Lena asked.
Ole responded, “Well, I just think that nobody in their right mind would have taken those two skunks on the ark with him.”
—Bill Kortmeyer
The sign in front of a Christian school in Calgary had an interesting combination of announcements. It read:
“God shapes the world by prayer.”
“Progress reports, March 13.”
—Herman Vanderburg
Bill: Deacon Jones gave a very moving speech last night at the congregational meeting.
John: I’m surprised.
Bill: Yes, before he had finished, half the congregation had moved out into the hall.
—Dick Bylsma
My grandson and his family came for a visit. When it was time to go home, his mother said to their 3-year-old daughter, “Go and give Grandpa a goodbye kiss.”
She replied to her mom, “No, I can’t, because we’re not married!”
—Albert Marcus
Working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving immunization shots to children. One day, I entered the examining room to give 4-year-old Lizzie her injection. “No, no, no!” she screamed.
“Lizzie,” scolded her mother, “that’s not polite behavior.”
With that the girl yelled even louder, “No, thank you! No, thank you!”
—Bob Schuyler
A doctor, a lawyer, a priest, and a little boy were aboard a small private plane when suddenly the engine stopped. Before bailing out, the pilot grabbed a parachute and told the passengers they’d better jump. But only three parachutes remained.
The doctor grabbed one. Before jumping, he said, “I’m a doctor. I save lives, so I must live.”
Next, the lawyer took one. Exiting, he said, “Lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live.”
The priest looked at the boy and said, “My son, I’ve lived a long life, and yours is still ahead. Take the last parachute, and go in peace.”
“Don’t worry, Father,” the boy replied. “The smartest man in the world just took off with my backpack.”
—Gerry Buurstra
Six-year-old Angie and her 4-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally his big sister had had enough. “You’re not supposed to talk out loud in church,” she said.
“Why not?” Joel asked. “Who’s going to stop me?”
Angie pointed to the back of the church. “See those two men standing by the door? They’re hushers!”
—Bruce D. Quinn
When I saw my pastor coming into my shop on Tuesday morning, I said to him, “That was the most horrible message I ever heard!”
“Which one,” he asked, “the one on Sunday morning or Sunday evening?”
“Neither,” I said. “It’s the one you left on my answering machine on Monday morning that you were not coming because you were sick!”
—Barry Huisman
A customer was hassling an airline agent at the ticket counter, yelling and using bad language. The agent was polite and pleasant while the customer continued to abuse her. When the man finally left, the next person in line said to the agent, “Does that happen often? I can’t believe how nice you were to him.”
The agent smiled and said, “No problem. I took care of it. He’s going to Detroit, but his bags are going to Bangkok.”
—Jan Veltkamp