Punch Lines

Point of View
|

Our church’s mission team, representing all ages, was flying out east to partner with another church across the country. On the plane, a youngster named Owen asked the pastor, “What are we having for dinner?”

“We’re fasting,” Pastor Rob told him.

“Great,” said Owen. “Fast food . . . my favorite!”

—Scott Faber

An elderly woman walked into church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door. “Where would you like to sit?” he asked politely.

“The front row, please,” she answered.

“You don’t want to do that,” the usher said. “The pastor is really boring.”

“Do you happen to know who I am?” the woman inquired.

“No,” he said.

“I’m the pastor’s mother,” she replied indignantly.

“Do you know who I am?” he asked.

“No,” she said.

“Good,” he answered.

—Sue Lauritzen

At Sunday school David learned that God created everything, including human beings. He paid special attention when the teacher said that Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs.

Later that week his mother noticed David lying down as if he were ill. “What’s the matter?” she asked.

David responded, “I have a pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.”

—George Vander Weit

Five-year-old Mitchell was pretending to read a passage on a Bible app we had downloaded to our phone. He accidentally pushed a button that turned on an audio feature where a male voice reads the passage aloud. Wide-eyed, Mitchell jumped up and shouted, “It’s Jesus! Jesus is in our phone!”

—Stacey DeWeerdt

As my daughter was putting her 5-year-old son to bed, he prayed, “God bless Mom, Dad, and sisters, Grandma, aunts and uncles. Thanks for the pretty flowers, grass and trees, and electric too. Oh, no—that Thomas guy invented that. Amen.”

—Wilma R. Bultema

An elder was asked to pray before the potluck supper at the annual church picnic. “Lord, thank you for the food that has been prepared for us,” he prayed. “We don’t know what it is, but we are willing to take a chance. Amen.”

—John Depooter

Blooper spotted in a church bulletin: “Looking for persons interested in demonstrating the unconditional love of Christ by walking beside a returning citizen recently released from incarnation.”

—Jim Tuininga

Alyssa, my 3-year-old great-granddaughter, and I were sharing a chair.

After touching the top part of my arm several times, she asked, “Grandma Evie, why is your arm like this?”

I said, “Honey, you are a little girl and your arm is nice and firm. I’m older, so that part of my arm is loose.”

After she’d thought a moment, she jumped off the chair and said firmly, “Grandma Evie, when you get really old, that loose part of your arm will be down to your knees!”

—Evie Den Ouden Blankers

At my grandson’s preschool screening, the teacher was asking where different parts of his body were. He was doing just great until the teacher asked where his heels were. He raised his arms to his waist and said, “I don’t know, but Jesus heals me!” The teacher chuckled and told him where his heels were.

“Oh, OK,” said my grandson, “but Jesus still heals me.”

—Audrey De Smet

After dinner, our 5-year-old grandson, Gavin, said our closing prayer. “Thank you for my mommy, thank you for my daddy, thank you for my dog, thank you for my sister, and thank you (followed by a long pause) for me!”

—Jean Venema

See comments (3)

Comments

I guy walks into Synod...

I guy walks into church...

Ouch!

X