Punch Lines

Point of View
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My wife deservedly slept in one morning, but the time had come for me to rouse her. As I opened the bedroom door to let hallway light spill in, I woke her with the words,

“Arise, shine, for your light has come.”

Her groaning reply: “The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.”

—Dan Roels

When I was about 5 years old, I knelt by my bed with my mother for my nightly prayer: “Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. . . . God bless Mommy and Daddy and. . . .”

One night I added, “But don’t bless the boys that hit me. Amen.”

“You shouldn’t ask God NOT to bless anyone,” my mother admonished.

So the next night I closed with, “And God, bless the boys that don’t hit me.”

—Merilyn Gordon

My 3-year-old grandson, Parker, is fascinated with deep-sea aquatic life. Some of his favorites include sharks, giant squids, killer whales, and man-of-wars.

He and his 5-year-old brother fish in a small lake in Michigan. Once Parker told me his brother had caught a hammerhead shark.

“Oh my, what did he do with it?” I asked.

“Threw it back in,” was the reply.

—Kitty Given

A rich man lived in a large mansion and had many staff. One day the man decided he was in the mood to eat some steak. So he told one of the cooks to make some for him. She asked him how he wanted his steak prepared.

After a moment’s thought, the rich man said, “Matthew 25:21.”

Puzzled, the woman looked up the text. And then it made perfect sense: “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

—Robert Revington

A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boarded an airplane.

The flight attendant looked at him and said, “I’m sorry, sir. Only one carrion allowed per passenger.”

—R. Smit

My hearing aid occasionally emits a brief, high-pitched squeal that can be heard by anyone near me. One day my little niece was sitting on my lap when the device started to beep. Surprised, she looked up at me and said, “Uncle John, you’ve got mail.”

—Jan Veltkamp

One Sunday afternoon we were reading a children’s story Bible with our children and grandchildren. The story was about Samuel going to live in the temple with Eli; it continued with Samuel hearing his name called and thinking Eli was calling him.
After the story, Allie, about 4 years old, asked, “Does God really talk to little kids?”

“Yes,” we replied.

“How?” she wondered.

“Well, he may talk to you just like we are talking to you now, or you may hear him in your head, or in your heart,” we explained.

After a few minutes of unaccustomed silence from a usually very chatty Allie, we asked, “What’s wrong?”

“Shhhhhh,” she said. “I’m listening.”

—Annette Zylstra

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