My family visited the Netherlands for spring break and toured Keukenhof Gardens just as the spring flowers were starting to bloom. I was trying to explain to my youngest son that the daffodils and hyacinths bloom first and then different varieties of tulips start to bloom. I said, “You see, Asa, God designed the flowers so that some bloom early and some bloom later.”
He replied, “You’d think God would make some that bloom right on time!”
Q: Who is the best comedian in the Bible?
A: Samson. He brought down the house.
During circle time in Little Lambs class, I was telling the story of the prodigal son. I explained that the son had wasted all his money and had to find work feeding the pigs. I had just finished saying that he was so hungry that he wanted to eat the pigs’ food when one 3-year-old piped up, “Well, he could have had bacon.”
How about the guy who quit his job at the doughnut factory?
He was fed up with the hole business.
Our 5-year-old great-grandson was a guest at a friend’s house for dinner. As his friend’s mother set out pancakes on the table, she asked him, “Does your mother ever serve pancakes for dinner?”
“No, my mom can tell time.”
—Rose Vander Vliet
I hate it when people used big words just to make themselves sound perspicacious.
Many years ago I was looking after my then 5-year-old grandson Tom and took him for a visit to my colleagues. On the way home he proudly told me that his brother Owen knew how to spell his name: TOMME.
“No,” I said, “your name is spelled TOMMY.”
“Oma,” he insisted, “it is TOMME.”
I replied that I was pretty smart and knew how it should be spelled.
Then Tom said, “Oma, God is much smarter than you and he has my name written in the clouds: TOMME.”
How could I argue with that?
—Mary Van Delft
Did you hear the one about the man who ordered a self-help DVD called “How to Handle Disappointment”?
When the package arrived, he eagerly opened it.
It was empty.
Two bacteria walk into a bar.
The bartender said, “Get out! We don’t serve bacteria in this bar.”
The two bacteria protested: “Hey, wait a minute. We work here! We’re staph.”
—L. De Boer