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Punch Lines

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Point of View

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Several years ago, Billy Graham was returning to Charlotte, N.C., after a speaking engagement. When his plane landed, a limousine was waiting to transport him to his home.

“You know,” he said to the driver, “I’m 85 years old, and I’ve never driven a limousine. Would you mind if I drove it for a while?”

“No problem,” the driver said. “Have at it.” The two headed off down the highway.

A short distance down the road sat a rookie state trooper operating his first speed trap. When the long black limo sped by him doing 70 in a 55 mph zone, the trooper quickly pulled it over.

When the window was rolled down, the trooper was surprised to see who was driving. He immediately excused himself, went back to his car, and called his supervisor.

“I know we’re supposed to enforce the law,” he told the supervisor. “But I also know that important people are sometimes given certain courtesies. I need to know what I should do, because I have stopped a very important person.”

“Is it the governor?” the supervisor asked

“No,” said the trooper, “someone more important than that.”

“Oh, so it’s the president?”

“No, even more important

than that.”

“Well, then, who is it?” the supervisor finally asked.

The trooper answered, “I think it’s Jesus, because he’s got Billy Graham for a chauffeur!”

—Johanna Zomermaand

A little girl was watching her father, a pastor, write a sermon.

“How do you know what to say?” she asked.

“Why, God tells me.”

“Oh. Then why do you keep crossing things out?”

—Ray DeVries

My friend’s great-grandson Joey was excited about having a birthday. Talking to his great-grandmother, he told her, “I’m 6 now. How old are you?”

“Well, I’m 78,” Great-grandma replied.

“Seventy-eight!” exclaimed Joey in astonishment. “Why, Grandma, you should be in heaven!”

—Hildy Van Dyken

A friend told me that people on a Calvin College listserv have been discussing “self help” and Christianity. One of them posted the following:

Bookstore Customer: “Could you point me toward the self-help section?”

Bookstore Clerk: “I could, but that would defeat the purpose.”

—George Vander Weit

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