Punch Lines

Point of View
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At the breakfast table our 9-year-old daughter, Hannah, had a computer question: “How do USBs work?”

“The same as Canadian bees,” I replied. “They go from flower to flower. . . .”

—David Bacon

A minister had just finished an excellent fried chicken dinner at the home of a congregation member when he saw a rooster strutting through the yard.

“That’s certainly a proud-looking rooster,” the minister commented.

“”Yes, sir,” replied the farmer. “He has reason to be proud. One of his sons just entered the ministry.”

Clarence Wildeboer

Our 4-year-old grandson loves to eat at grandma and grandpa’s house. He loves omelettes, and will ask, “Grandma, will you please make an egg pizza?”

—Ruth Kuipery

My sisters and I started studying the Bible at a young age. One day, the teacher asked the question “Who is God?” and taught us this answer: “God is the Supreme Being above all creatures.” When she asked the question again, my little sister, Nancy, who was too young to understand, raised her hand. Happy to be called on, she responded, “God is a string bean above all creatures.”

—Susan M. Vaughan

Thoughts to remember:

  1. Most of us could retire nicely in old age if we could sell our experience for what it cost us.
  2. Worry is the interest you pay on trouble that never comes.
  3. The best vitamin for friendship is B-1.

—Ray Kerkstra

My husband described his coming shoulder replacement surgery to our son, explaining that he would have a metal ball in his shoulder socket. Our granddaughter was listening intently, eyes wide. Then she turned to her father and asked, “Is Grandpa going to be a robot now?”

—Elizabeth Westra

Dear Lord: please keep your arms around our shoulder and your hand across our mouth. Amen.

—Robert W. Lubbers

A mother was preparing pancakes for her boys, Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3. The boys began arguing over who would get the first pancake. Seizing the opportunity for a moral lesson, their mother said, “If Jesus were sitting here, he would say, ‘Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.’”

Immediately Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, “Ryan, you be Jesus!”

Bruce D. Quinn

“What’s wrong with your car?” a police officer asked the elderly man at the roadside.

“I don’t know,” he replied. “It just stopped running.”

Leaning in for a closer look at the dashboard, the officer said, “It’s out of gas. See, the needle is pointing to Empty.”

“Empty?” the man replied. “I thought the ‘E’ stood for ‘Enough.’”

—Dick Bylsma

My sister sometimes struggles with keeping her young children quiet during church. One Sunday was no exception. Without saying a word, her husband took out his cell phone, typed himself a reminder, and handed it to the kids. Stunned into silence, they read, “Discipline kids when we get home!”

—Diana Leyendekker

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