We were attending a family baptism out of town, taking the great-grandparents along with us. Dad was 90 years old at the time. The service was wonderful, but it ran a lot longer than what we are used to.
On leaving the sanctuary, my father-in-law took his turn to shake hands with the pastor. Just as he stepped away, his pants started to fall down. Quickly he grabbed them and proceeded to tighten his belt.
Luckily it was over so quickly that few people had time to notice. Taking him aside, I asked, “What happened, Dad? Did your belt break?”
“No,” he said. “I was in that service so long, I lost weight!”
On Christmas morning, I was offering a children’s message. I brought along a small cake with a lit candle to celebrate Jesus’ birthday. At one point I asked the children what they thought Jesus might wish for before he blew out the candle.
A 4-year-old boy raised his hand and answered, “That Satan would be nice.”
The congregation responded with some snickers, but also some affirmation. To which the little boy responded with a fist pump.
My daughter was reading the Bible to her 3-year-old son. When she started naming the disciples, James, John, Peter, and Thomas, he stopped her to ask: “Was that Thomas the Train?”
A woman telephoned a friend and asked how she was feeling.
“Terrible,” was the reply. “My head is splitting and my back is killing me. The house is a mess, and the kids are driving me crazy.”
Sympathetically, the caller said, “Listen, go and lie down. I’ll come over right away and cook lunch for you. Then I’ll clean up the house and take care of the kids while you get some rest. By the way, how is Sam doing?”
“Sam?” the complaining woman replied. “Who’s Sam?”
“Oh dear,” exclaimed the caller. “I must have the wrong number. I am so sorry.”
There was a long pause.
“Are you still coming over?” the harried mother asked hopefully.
Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
—Herman De Boer
Dave and Kathryn, an older couple, were walking hand in hand at church. I said how nice they looked holding hands and walking together.
Kathryn responded, “He is my ‘Cain’ so that I am ‘Able.’
Ever noticed that when you put the words “The” and “IRS” together it spells “Theirs”?
Couples who have lived together for a long time have developed their own method of communication. I remember one day my mother called upstairs to my dad, “What are you looking for in that closet?”
“Nothing,” yelled my father.
After a moment, my mother called back, “Well, it’s not in there. Look under the bed.”