Punch Lines

Point of View
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As I left the grocery store, I noticed two little kids, maybe 6 or 7 years old. They were selling candy bars in front of the store to raise money for their school.

“I’ll buy a chocolate bar on one condition,” I said to the boys. “You eat it for me.”

I bought one and handed the candy back to one of them. He shook his head and said, “I can’t.”

“Why not?” I asked.

Looking me in the eye, he responded gravely, “I’m not supposed to take candy from strangers.”

—Dawn Gebben

Seven days without exercise makes one weak.

—Ralph VanderKooy

Several years ago, our grandchildren joined me at the planetarium for the film The Amazing Migration about butterflies. However, when they showed thousands of red crabs furiously mating on the side of a cliff, I was dismayed to hear Lauren, then 5, ask loudly, “Grandma, what are they doing?”

I was speechless as I tried to think of an appropriate answer.

She repeated more loudly, “What are they doing, Grandma?” Everyone in the planetarium could hear her; it was eerily silent.

Her quick-thinking 9-year-old cousin piped up, “They’re getting married.”

“Oh,” responded Lauren matter-of-factly, her question answered.

—Sharon Bloemendaal

The Sunday school teacher told her class of 5-year-olds the story of the Good Shepherd and his sheep. She ended by saying how wonderful it is that Jesus is the Good Shepherd and we are his beloved sheep. Upon hearing this, one little girl responded: “Yeah, we are all his sheep, but not my little brother. Mom says he is a little piggie.”

—Hendrik Kamphuis

When my granddaughter Megan was 4 years old, she was visiting us at our house and said, “This song is stuck in my head!” I replied, “That’s OK, it’s a good song.”

Then she said, “I want it to move over because I want a different one in my head!”

—Sandy Sall

Albert Einstein said, “Coincidences may be God’s way of performing miracles anonymously.”

—Sam Bosch

Found in a bunch of old papers from my dad:

A gentleman who had pledged to tithe to his church went to his pastor with a request. “Is there any way I can be released from my promise to tithe to the church?” he said. “It’s like this: When I  made that promise, I had to give only $5 a week. Now I’m making $1,000 a week, and it’s costing me $100 a week to fulfill my pledge.”

The pastor thought about it for a moment and then said, “I’m afraid we cannot get you released from your promise. But there is something else we can do for you. We can kneel in prayer and ask God to shrink your income so that you can afford to tithe $5 a week once more.”

—Marcia Visker

Two men were having a discussion. One of them said, “You don’t have to scream when you are talking to me. I just bought new hearing aids. They’re very expensive, the best on the market.”
“What brand is it?” his friend asked.

“Half past four,” he answered.

—Jan Veltkamp

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