Punch Lines

Point of View
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My son Jonas, 4, was playing with our “little people” nativity scene. If you look closely at the picture, you’ll find an unexpected range of characters, from dinosaurs to Darth Vader to Superman, along with many animals and “regular” little people. When I asked him to tell me about it, he smiled and told me they were all worshiping and visiting the baby Jesus. Just what Christmas is and should be—everyone is welcome to worship the King!

—Alicia Lise
Kitchener, Ontario

At a local church, a tall sign includes service times, the pastor’s name, and this timely reminder:

“Accept the Bread of Life, or you are toast.”

—Conn Witt

A woman went to the post office to buy stamps for the Christmas season. “What denomination?” asked the clerk.

“Good heavens! Have we come to this?” said the woman. “Well, give me 50 Catholic and 50 Christian Reformed.”

—George Vander Weit

After the pastor read aloud the passage from Matthew where Jesus said, “Do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing,” an elderly man told his wife, “Honey, I think I’m getting pretty good at having my left hand not knowing what my right hand is doing.”

She thought for a moment and replied, “That’s true, dear, and your right hand doesn’t know what your left hand is doing anymore either.”

—Ade Vander Starre

Sudden Death: What happens to the attention span of the congregation if the preacher goes into “overtime.”

—Suzanne Lauritzen

Three boys in the school yard are bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, “My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper. He calls it a poem and they give him $50.”

The second boy says, “That’s nothing. My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper. He calls it a song and they give him $100.”

The third boy says, “I got you both beat. My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper and calls it a sermon. It takes eight people to collect all the money!”

—John Veltkamp

What is a grandparent? Here are a few answers from a class of 8-year-olds:

  • They wear glasses and funny underwear.
    They are the only grownups who like to spend time with us.
  • They have to answer questions like “Why isn’t God married?” and “How come dogs chase cats?”
  • When they take us for walks, they slow down for things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.
  • Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. They like other people’s.

—Herm Kelderman

An insurance broker called his client to say that his insurance premium check had bounced for lack of funds. “So,” said the client, “Who didn’t have the money, me or the bank?”

—Dick Bylsma

A 4-year-old patient recently came to our pediatrics office and hopped up on the exam table, ready for his checkup. I placed my stethoscope over his heart and listened. With wide eyes, he asked excitedly, “Did you hear Jesus?”

—Dr. Jayne Rauwerda

On a recent road trip, my son and I were listening to CDs. After we’d heard one song for about the third time, I asked him, “Why are they singing, ‘I spilled the beans?’”

He replied, “They were singing, ‘I still believe’!”

—Onetta Siegersma

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