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Punch Lines

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Point of View

When my grandson was 5, we were talking about the color of our eyes. His are hazel, like mine, while the rest of the family has brown or blue eyes.
“You got the color of your eyes from me,” I told him.
Puzzled, he looked at me. Finally he said, “I got mine from God.”
A few years later I told his younger brother this story.
“How does he know what color God’s eyes are?” he asked.

Marjorie Hoekstra

The deacons were counting the money after the church service. My husband and his fellow deacons were sitting around the table after dumping all the money from the collection plates in the middle of the table.
Our 3-year-old son, Scott, came up to the table and asked, “So who’s winning?”

Rita Hamilton

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

Sue Lauritzen

A Sunday school teacher was talking about saying grace before meals. One of the children in her class was Jerry, the young son of the minister.
“Jerry,” she said, “what does your father say when the family sits down to dinner?”
He answered, “Dad says, ‘Go easy on the butter, kids; it’s three dollars a pound!’”

 —Clarence Wildeboer

The preacher prepared for the service, but only one person—a farmer—showed up.
“What do you think we should do?” asked the preacher.
“Well,” said the farmer, “if only one cow came into the barn, I’d feed it.”
So the preacher stood behind the pulpit and began to preach . . . and preach. After 2 hours he concluded his sermon. “What did you think?” he asked.
The farmer drawled, “Well, if only one cow came into the barn, I certainly wouldn’t try to feed it all the hay.”

John Veltkamp

We always tell our 3-year-old daughter, Sophie, not to cross the street without a parent.
One day Sophie saw a dead squirrel on the road. Feeling sorry for the squirrel, she said, “Poor squirrel! He should not have crossed the street without his parents.”

Xiaohong Zhou

There are two kinds of people in the world: those who wake up in the morning and say, “Good morning, Lord,” and those who say, “Good Lord, it’s morning.”

Paul Haagen

An elderly woman was having trouble working a puzzle, so she phoned her neighbor to come over and help. When asked what picture was on the box, she told him it was a picture of a rooster.
Arriving, he looked at the pieces on the table. “I don’t think we can make this look like a rooster,” he said. “So let’s just put the corn flakes back in the box.”

Vern Edewaard

Libby was so happy with her report card, she let everyone know about it by singing, “Amazing Grades.”

—Dick Bylsma

After I had watched my three grandchildren, my daughter and I were talking in her garage. Four-year-old Kyle asked his mom if she would watch his three toys, as he had to go to the back yard for something. She said, “How long shall I watch them?”
He answered, “About 40 days and 40 nights.”

Sandy Sall

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