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At church our 3-year-old daughter heard the story of Jesus bringing a dead girl back to life. One night she was playing horsey on her dad’s back. After he laid her down for a rest, she exclaimed, “Come back to life, horsey! I am Jesus. Getty up!”

—Xiaohong Zhou

A few years ago my husband and I went to California for our grandson Trevor’s third birthday. We took along gifts from his other grandmother who had lived out of the area for a few years. I wanted to be sure he remembered who she was, so I said, “The turtle that floats in the pool is from Grandma Debbie.” He looked puzzled, so I said, “You know who she is, don’t you?” He looked up at the sky, placed his finger on his chin, and then replied, “I think I do.”

Then came this grandma’s big mistake. I said, “Tell me who she is.” Trevor replied, “She’s the one without the wrinkly neck!”

—Pat Van Dyken

“I have good news and bad news,” announced the pastor to his congregation. “The good news is that we have enough money to pay for our new building program.

“The bad news is that it’s still out there in your pockets.”

—Peter Haagen

My wife and I attended a church league basketball game at our church. During the game, our 2-year-old great-granddaughter, Kendra, played with my wife’s iPad. When we got home, my wife noticed that all the pictures were skewed 90 degrees from normal. I emailed my daughter, explained the situation, and asked, “What should she do?” Her answer: “Ask Kendra.”

—John Bell

Out of the mouths of babes:

“The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.”

“Solomon had 200 wives and 700 cucumbers.”

“Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.”

—Jack Bloem

A pastor in a small country church confronted his wife with the receipt for a dress she had purchased for $250. “How could you do this?” he said.

“I don’t know,” she wailed. “I was standing in the store looking at the dress. Then I found myself trying it on. It was like the devil was whispering, ‘Wow, you look great. You should buy it.’”

“You know how to deal with the tempter,” said her husband. “Just tell him to get behind you.”
“I did,” she replied. “But then he said, ‘It looks great from back here too!’”

—Dick Bylsma

One particularly exuberant kindergartener has given me reason to say the strangest sentences. At snack time, he and the rest of the class went out in the hall to get snacks from backpacks. “Aiden, please don’t put your carrots in the library book drop slot,” I said.

“But Mrs. Anderson,” he exclaimed, “I already did, and I can’t get them out.”

—Eliza Anderson

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