Punch Lines

Point of View
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While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, a mother often took her 4-year-old daughter on her afternoon rounds. The little girl was unfailingly intrigued by all the canes, walkers, and wheelchairs. One day her mother found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. Instead of the usual barrage of questions, her daughter turned and whispered, “The tooth fairy’s never gonna believe this!”

—Bob and Ina Vandermaas

My grandson, a kindergartner in Dublin, Ohio, was given the opportunity to ask God’s blessing for his family’s evening meal: “God! Thank you for the delicious food you gave us. I hope we like it!”

—George Haun

Awell-known seminary professor was preaching in a local church. One person who attended was not a native English speaker, and after the sermon this person greeted the professor with great enthusiasm, saying, “Oh, pastor, thank you so much. Your sermon was absolutely superfluous!” The professor choked down a chuckle and responded, a bit tongue-in-cheek, “I’m glad you liked it. I’m thinking of having it published posthumously. ” With equal enthusiasm the person shot back, “Oh! The sooner the better!”

—Gary Roosma

ASunday school teacher asked, “Susie, do you suppose Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the ark?”

“No,” replied Susie. “How could he, with only two worms?”

—John Veltkamp

Aman, standing in front of the bedroom mirror, was not happy with what he saw. He said to his wife, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat, and ugly. I really need you to give me a compliment.”

His wife responded, “Honey, your eyesight’s perfect.”

—George Vander Weit

John’s wife had preceded him in death, so when he arrived at the Pearly Gates she was there to show him around.

“Here is the dining hall—all you can eat.”

“How much does this cost?”

“It’s all free. No charge.”

“And here is the golf course,” she said.

“What is the fee?”

“This, too, is free. Everything you see here is free.”

“Free. Free. Free. I can’t believe it!” John said. “Why did you feed me all those bran muffins? I would have been here 10 years ago!”

—Walter VanderBeek

We often care for our 2-and-a-half-year-old granddaughter so her parents can have a night out. Before putting her to bed we go through the usual nighttime ritual and encourage her to go potty. One night, after she was successful, I praised her. She promptly replied, “Potty Freak! Potty Freak!” It was so cute I shared her response with my wife. The next day I of course also told my daughter how cute it was that Sidney had called herself a “Potty Freak.”

“Oh,” my daughter replied, “She said ‘potty treat’ and just wanted to be rewarded for her success!”

—C.R. Lindemulder


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