Punch Lines

Point of View
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My birthday falls on December 23, two days prior to Christmas. Each year my family has a gathering to celebrate my birthday. One year, amidst the gift-giving and joy-filled moments, my 3-year-old grandson’s face suddenly lit up, as if a new bit of knowledge had just dawned on him. He came running up to me and shouted, “Grandma, you’re two days older than Jesus!”

—Marvel Bryne

My husband’s grandmother died when our youngest son was 5. During the funeral we sat near the front with the rest of the family, and our son had a good view of the closed coffin. He leaned forward and asked in a concerned voice, “Is she in there?”

I quietly spoke a word of reassurance into his ear: “Just her body.”

To which he replied in a horrified whisper, “Not her head?”

—Annie Oegema

My mom watched our kids so I could go to our polling station and vote. When I got home, she started saying goodbye to the kids. One of the boys had gone to his room, so she went to his room and held out her arms for a hug. He got up and walked over to her, then reached out with one hand. Shaking her hand, he said, “Goodbye, Grandma. Thank you for your help.” Then he turned back to his toys.

“Don’t I get a hug?” she asked.

“Why, of course,” he said, going back and giving her a hug.

—Jessica Smith

“Let’s eat, Grandma.”
“Let’s eat Grandma.”
Commas sometimes save lives!

—Jan Ortiz

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers, and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass of water. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she turned to me and whispered, “The tooth fairy will never believe this!”

—Herm Kelderman

My son, Kenyon, participates enthusiastically during the singing time at Sunday school. One morning the song was “The B-I-B-L-E, that’s the book for me.” After belting out the song along with the other kids, he asked me, “Mommy, what does that spell?”

—Rachel Katje

The time: World War II; the place: London, England.

The city was lost in a thick fog. Two sailors emerged from a pub, wondering where they were. Out of the fog came a high-ranking general. The sailors approached him without the proper salute.

“Don’t you know who I am?” roared the general.
The sailors looked at each other and said, “Now we’re really in the soup! We don’t know where we are and he doesn’t know who he is.”

—Walter Vanderbeek

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