Yesterday I read a book on levitation. I couldn’t put it down.
—George Vander Weit
Between the couch and the glass-door cabinet there was just enough room to stack some pillows and blankets for our grandchildren who were staying overnight. Jonathon and Madison were having fun using them to make a mountain in front of the couch to climb, and then sliding over the arm of the couch into their “cave.”
“Grandma doesn’t think you should be doing that,” I said. “I don’t want you to break the glass and get hurt. It makes me nervous.”
“Grandma,” Jonathon replied, “maybe you should just go in the other room.”
A Sunday school teacher asked, “Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the ark?”
“No,” replied Johnny. “How could he, with just two worms?”
—Jean L. Washington
After a very moving rendition of the song “Please change my heart, Lord,” the congregation burst into laughter when our interim pastor stated that this was a very appropriate song for his last Sunday with us.
You see, he was scheduled for open heart surgery.
“Hello, son,” said our daughter to her 2-year-old child.
“Hello, moon,” replied Matthew.
Boss to employee: I’m giving you a raise because I want your last week here to be a happy one.
One morning my 3-year-old daughter and I were home alone. I overheard her say, “Don’t you just love my hairband?”
To which I replied, “I do. It’s beautiful!”
“No, Mommy,” she said. “I’m talking to Jesus!”
—Willena van Donkersgoed
My daughter sent me this text: My apartment is now as cat hair-free as it ever will be. :)
I replied: What did you do?
She texted back: Vacuumed like Kuyper. Every square inch.
—Dianne Van Rooyen
One evening we were showing our granddaughter, Lacy, the old finger play we did as kids: “Here’s the church, here’s the steeple; open the doors, and see all the people!” Then came the next part, with fingers exposed: “Here’s the church, here’s the steeple; open the doors, and where are the people?” Lacy’s immediate response: “They’re on the roof!”
Over supper one night, the grandchildren asked if we could speak to them in Dutch. Much laughter followed because they didn’t understand what we were saying.
Then the 4-year-old asked, “How do you laugh in Dutch?”
A marketing guru walks into a pizzeria to order a pizza. The waiter asks, “Shall I cut it into six or eight pieces?”
“Better make it eight,” says the guru. “I’m feeling pretty hungry right now.”
A speaker addressing a large group of women asked, “Where would man be today if it were not for woman?”
From the back of the room came a voice. “He’d be in the Garden of Eden eating strawberries.”