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One evening I stopped in the preschool room at church and listened in as the teacher introduced the next “fruit of the Spirit.” She said, “Remember, we have love, joy, and now we have peace.” One little boy piped up and said, “But I don’t like peas!”

—Bonny Mulder-Behnia

My 6-year-old grandson called his mother from his friend Charlie’s house and confessed he had broken a lamp when he threw a football in their living room.

“But Mom,” he said, brightening, “you don’t have to worry about buying another one. Charlie’s mother said it was irreplaceable.”

—Dawn Gebben

When my children were young, we used lovely velvet bags for the collection rather than flat plates. My daughter Samantha, who was about 4 at the time, was watching these bags very closely as they wound their way through the congregation. After a few moments of studying them, she turned to me and asked, “Mommy, can I please hold the jackpot?”

—Carolin Tolkamp

I think Santa has riverfront property in Brazil. All our presents came from Amazon this year.

—R. Smit

One summer day my daughter and her children, ages 3, 5, and 7, planned a special day to go to Ottawa Beach in Holland, Mich. The children had never been there. With lots of excitement they put on their new swim outfits and were ready to go. As they ran toward the beach, one look at Lake Michigan stopped them. Little Mark finally said, “That’s way too much water. Mama, pull the plug.”

—G. Brummel

The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike. As he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up and nearly tripping on it before jerking it again.

After several more circles and jerks, a little girl who was sitting in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, “If he gets loose, will he hurt us?”

—Cyndi Boss

Three-year-old Abigail went to the doctor to get her hearing checked. "My eyes need to be checked too," she said. "They feel frustrated because I keep blinking."


Judge: Is this the first time that you have been up before me?

Defendant: I don’t know, your honor. What time do you get up?

—Dick Bylsma

A woman was sipping on a glass of wine while sitting on the patio with her husband. She said, “I love you so much . . . I don’t know how I could ever live without you.”

Her husband asked, “Is that you or the wine talking?”

She replied, “It’s me . . . talking to the wine!”

—Jan Veltkamp

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