Punch Lines

Point of View
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A pastor received this note addressed to him and his wife, accompanying a box of Christmas goodies:

Dear Pastor, Knowing that you do not eat sweets, I am sending the candy to your wife . . . and nuts to you. Merry Christmas!

—Dick Bylsma

A little boy was participating in a relative’s wedding. As he was coming down the aisle, he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd. While facing them, he would put up his hands like claws and roar.

So it went, step, step, ROAR; step, step, ROAR; all the way down the aisle.

By the time he reached the pulpit, the congregation was near tears from laughing so hard.

When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, “I was being the Ring Bear.”

—Carla Van Den Hout

After William joined the army, he became concerned when he first heard the command, “Fire at will!”

—R. Smit

Arriving home after their school pictures were taken, 7-year-old Gary said, “Mom we had our pictures taken individually,” followed by 5-year-old Debby saying, “We did not. They were taken in the gym!”

—Connie De Haan

A new and inexperienced waitress told a colleague that she was concerned about being able to carry the heavy trays of food. The other waitress pointed out that tray stands were placed strategically throughout the restaurant. After successfully serving lunches to the people at her tables, the new waitress asked one table if everything had been all right.

One man replied, “It was fine, but my wife and I have to leave now. Could she please have her walker back?”

—Jan Veltkamp

It was an emotional wedding; even the cake was in tiers.

—Ralph Vander Kooy

Shortly after Christmas I was reading a Bible story picture book to my 2-year-old granddaughter. She was asking me who the Bible characters were, so I decided to change it up and ask her who she thought they were. For most, her answer was, “I don’t know.” But I barely got one of the pages turned when she shouted, “Santa Claus!” It was a picture of Moses.

—Diana Leyendekker

Lord, grant me patience. And I want it right now.

—Sam Bosch

While spending the weekend with my 5-year-old granddaughter, Reka, we were preparing to leave for church. I commented that I had forgotten my earrings. A few minutes later, I added that I hadn’t taken my church coat either. Reka got it right by assuring me, “That’s OK, Grandma. Our church lets everybody in!”

—Carole Shaarda

Our granddaughter was visiting over the weekend and joined us for church. As usual, she went to Sunday school midway through the service. While there, the leader took a collection. She told the class the money would go to people who don’t know Jesus.

To which my granddaughter responded, “I don’t know Jesus!”

—Harry Verburg

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