There was a lady who was going to a new dentist for the first time. That is, he was new to her. While in the waiting room she noticed the dentist’s diploma and certificates. The name was the same as a high school boy on whom she’d had a crush. When she finally went in, she decided that, no, it couldn’t be the same person. This guy was old and wrinkled. But just in case, she asked him if he’d attended Lincoln High School in Albany. He said he had. So she then asked if he was in the class of 1965. He said yes, that indeed he was. Excitedly she said, “We were in the same class!” The dentist responded, “Oh! What class did you teach?”
—George Vander Weit
At Sunday school the children were learning how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny, in the kindergarten class, seemed especially intent when he heard how Eve was created from one of Adam’s ribs. Later in the week, his mother noticed him lying on his bed as if he were sick. “Honey, what’s wrong?” she asked. Johnny responded, “I have a pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.”
My husband and I have been trying to teach our 4-year-old to use a polite tone of voice when making requests, rather than a whiny one. Whenever she starts whining, we tell her we can’t hear her until she uses her grown-up voice. One night she started whining for juice. It was close to her bedtime, so I told her she could have only water. At first she continued whining, but eventually she asked politely for water. My husband commented,
“Well, that’s a new one.”
“What is?” I asked.
“Turning whine into water.”
After putting her grand-children to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the 3-year-old say with a trembling voice, “Who was THAT?”
—Ray De Vries
When my daughter Rachael was 2-and-a-half, her brother Joseph was born. Joseph usually awoke at 5 a.m. for a feeding. I would put on “The Back to God Hour” and listen to Rev. Joel Nederhood to start my day. Sometimes Rachael would get up to see what was going on and then, not being a morning person, go back to bed. One morning Joseph woke up a bit earlier. I turned on the TV and an old black-and-white movie was on—not Rev. Nederhood. Rachael came out of her room, looked at the TV, looked at me, and looked at the TV again. She stood there for a moment, then told me, “You can’t be up yet. God isn’t up yet.”
We were visiting with a family from our church one Sunday evening when their daughter entered the room with her Bible camp application. “Mom,” she asked, “what is our church affliction?”
Amother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, age 5, and Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. She told them, “If Jesus were sitting here, he would say, ‘Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.’” Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, “Ryan, you be Jesus!”
Free Yorkshire Terrier. 8 years old. Hateful little dog. Bites.
Free Puppies. 1/2 cocker spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor’s dog.
Free Puppies. Mother, AKC German shepherd. Father, Super Dog: able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
Found: Dirty White Dog. Looks like a rat—been out awhile. Better be a reward.
—Herman G. Kelderman
After reading R.C. Sproul’s book The Questions People Ask, my wife and I discussed his thoughts that pets might go to heaven. Pondering for a moment I said, “But, Bernice, could that be? Think about all the cats and dogs, etc., that would include.” Without even flinching she said, “But of course they would not all be elect.”
—Herman G. Kelderman
Sign on a dandelion-covered lawn: “Give them an inch, and they’ll take a yard.”