Punch Lines

Point of View
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My dentist had just finished putting caps on each one of my teeth. As I left his office I noticed a sign posted near the exit. It said, “No one is ever entirely worthless; he can always serve as an example.”

—Conn Witt

One day the pastor’s sermon focused on how God knows which of us grows best in sunlight and which of us needs shade.

“For example,” he said, “roses must be planted in the sun, but fuchsias thrive in the shade.”

After the sermon a woman approached him, her face beaming. “Your sermon did me so much good,” she said.

Before he had time to gloat too much, she added, “I always wondered what was wrong with my fuchsias!”

—Dicky Joad

During family devotions about Jesus’ death and burial, I was trying to prompt our 6-year-old to answer a question about Nicodemus.

When I prompted her with “Nico . . .” she shouted, “. . . ragua!”

—Rebecca VanderMolen

At our church library, overdue notices were sometimes ignored. I thought perhaps people might pay more attention if we added some words from Scripture.

Now our overdue notices include the powerful words of 2 Kings 22:8: “Hilkiah the high priest said to Shaphan the secretary, ‘I have found the book.’ . . .”

And from Psalm 126:6: “He . . . will return with songs of joy.”

—Beth Hoekstra

My oldest and youngest sons like to challenge each other’s intellect with vocabulary words and sample questions from the SAT exams (a widely used college admission test). The older one put an American history question to the younger: “What is the Bay of Pigs?”

The younger thought it was a bonus Bible question and confidently answered, “Oh, that’s where Jesus sent the demons that he cast out of the possessed man!”

—Verlan Van Ee

My dog licked the crumbs out of my computer keyboard and earned an online college degree.

—Dick Bylsma

A woman rushing into a church for something she had forgotten the previous Sunday was stopped by a huge sign the janitor had place in front of the floor he had just washed:

“PLEASE DON’T WALK ON WATER!”

—Sue Lauritzen

Three-year-old TJ was intently watching me apply my makeup. As I applied mascara to my lashes, he asked, “Grandma, why are you putting that on?”

“I’m making myself beautiful for Grandpa,” I told him.

“Well, don’t make yourself too beautiful,” he warned, “or Grandpa won’t recognize you.”

—Simon and Sharon Hilbrand

People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.

—Margaret Rupke

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