Punch Lines

Point of View
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Years ago, on our way to a Christmas Eve service with our grandsons Calvin, 5, and Cameron, 3, we were excitedly talking about what we were about to experience: the music, the message, decorations, and more. Suddenly Cameron felt compelled to warn us, “It’s a Lion’s Church,” he said. “But don’t worry, there’s no lions there, it’s really just a name.”

The name of the church in question? Cobourg Alliance Church in Cobourg, Ontario.

—Lillian Hoftyzer

Our young pastor and his wife have an adorable 1-year-old son. Recently they have been teaching him “Soooooo big!”, raising their arms overhead to show him. Imagine his mom’s surprise at a church service to see her son raise his arms on high as his father prepared to give the benediction!

—C. and J. Gravenhof

Because of a medical condition, Grandpa could no longer drive. His wife had to drive him everywhere. A caregiver from church asked her, “How are you doing? She replied, “He drove me crazy for 57 years, and now it’s my turn!”

—Adrian Vander Starre

Q: What did people find so controversial about the dinosaur skeleton on the cover of The Banner?

A: The sight of The Banner with a backbone!

—Kevin William Walker

A minister waited in line to fill his car with gas just before a long holiday weekend. There were many cars ahead of him, and an attendant was directing the flow of cars. Finally the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.

“Reverend,” said the young man, “I’m so sorry about the delay. It seems like everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip.”

The minister chuckled. “I know what you mean,” he said. “It’s the same in my business.”

—Peter Haagen

A dollar bill met a $20 and said, “Hey, what’s up? I haven’t seen you around lately.” The $20 bill replied, “I’ve been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise, saw a couple of baseball games, visited the mall—that kind of stuff. How about you?”

The dollar bill said, “You know, the same old thing—church, church, church.”

—Ernest Dykema

Two U.S. ministers traveling in Germany visited a church. Not speaking German, they decided to sit behind a dignified-looking gentleman and do whatever he did.

During the service, the pastor made a special announcement, and the man in front of them rose. The Americans quickly jumped to their feet too, only to be met by peals of laughter.

Later they went to shake the pastor’s hand. When they learned he spoke English, they asked what all the laughter was about.

“Oh,” said the pastor, “I was announcing a baptism, and I asked the father of the child to stand.”

—Simon and Sharon Hilbrand

The advantage of exercising every day is so that when you die, people will say, “Well, he looks good, doesn’t he?”

—Sue Lauritzen

After the Sunday school lesson about Adam and Eve, the teacher asked the children to draw a picture that would illustrate the story. Bobby drew a picture of a car with three people in it. In the front seat was a man, and in the back seat were a man and a woman. At a loss to understand how the picture related to the story, the teacher asked Bobby to explain.

“This is God driving Adam and Eve out of the garden,” he quickly answered.

—Jack Bloem

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