While camping, my 3-year-old daughter and I emerged from the washrooms into a misty evening with pouring rain. “Oh, it’s raining cats and dogs,” I said.
“Yes,” she replied. “And it’s froggy out too.”
Five-year-old Johnny and his family sat down to dinner at grandma’s house after church. The boy loaded up his plate and began eating. His mother said, “Wait, Johnny. You know we always pray before we eat.”
“That’s OK,” said Johnny. “Grandma knows how to cook.”
My daughter, Jacque, has taken liturgical dance classes. We were going to visit my in-laws in another state, and Jacque was going to perform one of her dances at their church. My mother-in-law, a notoriously bad speller, wanted to put an announcement in the bulletin about the dance. She said to me, “I didn’t know how to spell ‘liturgical’ so I put ‘interpretive’ dance instead.” When we got to church that Sunday and opened the bulletin, it read: “We welcome Jacque Morrison, who will perform an interruptive dance.”
Billy: Why does Grandma spend so much time reading the Bible?
Betty: Maybe she’s cramming for her finals.
An elderly gentleman was confronted at church by a good friend, who asked, “Why do you have your name tag on upside down? You know we are wearing them to help our new pastor get to know us.” The man replied, “I’m wearing it like this so I can look down and tell him who I am!”
—Adrian Vander Starre
While explaining to my 6-year-old granddaughter, Ruby, why we both need a heart, a brain, and other important body parts to live, I asked her if we also need hair to live. Looking at my well-receded hairline, she decided, “No, Grandpa. You’re doing quite well without it.”
Our 2-year-old great-granddaughter, Elise, loves to be read to and to look at pictures. Uncle Eric and Aunt Kendra were coming from Oregon, and she was shown their wedding album so she would recognize them. She looked at all the pictures, closed the book, and said, “And they lived happily ever after!”
My daughter’s dog, Rascal, had recently passed away. One day my 4-year-old great granddaughter, Lillian, went to visit Nana and Papa. She asked if they knew the address to heaven. “Why do you want to know?” asked Nana.
Lillian replied, “Because I want to write a note to Rascal.”
Not long ago it was our 7-year-old grandson Trenton’s turn to open with prayer at dinner. As we all waited quietly with hands folded and heads bowed, his father said, “OK, Trenton, you can start now.” Then came the reply: “I am loading.”
My young nephew recently started playing tee-ball. He doesn’t particularly like this sport and is always complaining about how “lame” it is that kids can strike out when the ball isn’t even moving. One afternoon, after one of his games, I asked him what his favorite position was. He thought for a moment, then grinned and said, “I like being the pitcher.”