My son Joshua was not looking forward to the two shots he needed before entering middle school. The night before his appointment, Joshua asked that we pray for strength. At his check-up, everything was going well. The doctor told us that Joshua was a picture of health and then left the room. While we waited for the nurse to come in and give him the immunizations, the fire alarm began to sound. Sure enough, everyone had to exit the building. Doctors, nurses, and patients hurried down the stairs to wait outside. As we stood outside the building, Joshua declared, “This just shows the super power of prayer!”
This past summer I prefaced an Olympic sermon illustration by emphasizing how much I love watching the Olympics. Exaggerating slightly, I announced, “I’m afraid my paycheck over the next couple of weeks will be for simply watching the Olympics.”
Two weeks later I headed for the bank to deposit my check. In front of the teller I opened the sealed envelope containing an official church check with all the proper signatures. In place of the dollar amount was the word zero. A note with it said, “This is what you get for watching the Olympics.”
One day in a small town, a notoriously immoral man died. His equally immoral brother had to make the funeral arrangements. Contacting a local pastor, he said, “I’ll give you a thousand bucks for conducting my brother’s funeral if sometime during the sermon you say he was a saint.” The minister thought for a few moments and then accepted the offer.
At the funeral, the minister spoke these words: “This man was very wicked, terribly immoral, and a good-for-nothing liar. But compared to his brother, he was a saint.”
—George Vander Weit
Two days after my mother’s funeral, my 5-year-old grandson was sitting at the kitchen table, deep in thought. Then he looked up and said, “If Grandma is in heaven, who drove her there?”
A 3-year-old was telling his friend about a new baby cousin. “He has red hair! And it grows right out of his head—he doesn’t even have to dye it!”
—Edith Vander Veen
Spotted in our bulletin:
Ministry of Music: “Behold the Lamb” (sung by the Praise Team as the Bread and Wind are being passed)
A new pastor was visiting his parishioners. At one house there was no response, even though it seemed like someone was home. The pastor left the following note one the door: “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. Revelation 3:20.”
On Sunday, the pastor noticed a note on his office door. He burst out laughing as he read: “I heard your voice in the garden, but I was afraid, for I was naked. Genesis 3:10.”
—Richard Van Huizen
After reading a Bible story to her children about one of the plagues sent upon Egypt, my daughter explained that the Lord had sent so many frogs that there were piles on them on the land. She asked the children, “What was this called?” expecting them to say, “A miracle.”
Immediately 4-year-old Chloe responded, “Littering.”
I was visiting our kids the other night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
“Get with it, Dad. This is the 21st century,” they said. “We don’t waste money on newspapers. Here, borrow my iPad.”
Let me tell you, that fly never knew what hit him.