Punch Lines

Point of View
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I was visiting my saintly 95-year-old mother, who has significant memory loss. She had fallen and cracked her pelvis and was in rehab at a nursing home. At the dinner table, one of her tablemates noticed she was new and asked her, “How come you’re here?”

Mother looked questioningly at me, having no clue about how to answer that. Hoping to nudge her memory a bit, I said, “Mom, you broke something, remember?”

With a stricken look on her face, she asked, “Was it one of the 10 Commandments?”

—Mary Worst

I was scheduled to preach at Ivanrest Christian Reformed Church in Grandville, Mich., on the evening of November 17, 2013. Violent storms, including over 70 tornadoes, struck the Midwest that evening. All the churches of West Michigan were cancelled because of the tornado watch. The title of the sermon I’d planned to preach that night: “What the Bible Says about Weather.”

—Jay Pruim

I have long been encouraging my husband to go in for a hearing test. Finally he placed the call to make an appointment. My daughter overheard the conversation. After a few preliminary questions, the receptionist asked him why he thought he needed to get his hearing tested. He replied, “Because my wife says I never listen to her.”

A few questions later, my husband started to laugh. “A housecoat? Why do I need to bring a housecoat to a hearing test?”

My daughter then heard the receptionist burst out laughing too. “Sir, you really do need to get your hearing tested. I said you need to bring your health card to the appointment!”

—Doreen Horlings

They say it takes a village to raise a child. That was evident at the Cadet pancake breakfast fundraiser I attended recently at my church. We were waiting in line to pay for breakfast while two young Cadets helped the person ahead of us. Judging by the stack of cash in the open money box, it was obvious the Cadets had been doing a brisk business. An older member of the congregation approached the boys and asked if she could pay for a plant she wanted to buy.

“Sure,” said Jacob, as she handed him a $5 bill. “How much change should I give you?” “Well,” she replied, “$1.50.”

Digging through the coins at the bottom of the box, the boy said, “Would you be willing to take a “toonie”? (a Canadian coin worth $2).

Smiling, she said, “No, I really think you should give me $1.50.”

The next morning we heard that the fundraiser had been a success—the Cadets took in $700!

—Lynda Marfisi

A 6-year-old boy wished and wished for $100. His mother suggested he mail a postcard to God asking for $100, which he did.

A postal employee read the card. Touched, he directed it to the Prime Minister’s office. The Prime Minister, also touched, sent the boy three $20 bills. A few days later, the envelope arrived. The boy opened it and pulled out $60, beaming in amazement.

His mother said, “I thought you asked for $100!”
Showing his mom the Ottawa postmark, the boy said, “God’s mail gets sent through Ottawa, and even God gets taxed 40 percent.”

—Richard Van Huizen

A young boy was waiting for his mother outside the grocery store. He was approached by a man who asked, “Son, can you tell me where the post office is?”

The boy replied, “Sure! Just go straight down this street a couple of blocks and turn to your right.”

The man thanked the boy kindly and said, “I’m the new pastor in town. I’d like for you to come to church on Sunday so I can tell you how to get to heaven.”

Chuckling, the boy replied, “You’re kidding, right? You don’t even know the way to the post office!”

—Harry Boessenkool

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