Punch Lines

Point of View
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I visited my preschool grandson for lunch one day. As I sat with seven little ones on a miniature chair at a miniature table, one little girl asked Brandon who was with him today. He proudly introduced me as his grandma. She replied off-handedly, “I have a grandma too, and she’s not dead yet either!” Then it was back to grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup.

—Judy Groenendyk

Seen on an outdoor sign at Dover Congregational Church, Westlake, Ohio:
CHORAL LED SERVICE
NO SERMON
HALLELUJAH

—Dick DeVries

One night a little boy’s mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom. He said, “Mama, I don’t want to go out there. It’s dark.”

The mother smiled. “You don’t have to be afraid of the dark,” she explained. “Jesus is out there. He’ll protect you.”

The boy looked at her and said, “Are you sure he’s out there?”

“Yes, I’m sure,” she said. “He is everywhere, and he’s always ready to help when you need him.”

The little boy thought for a moment and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering into the darkness, he called, “Jesus, if you’re out there, please hand me the broom.”

—Clarence A. Wildeboer

During the service, our pastor said to the congregation, “Please be seated for the singing of “Stand Up, Stand Up for Jesus.”

—R. Boone

One of the best things about Faith Alive’s Dwell curriculum is that it gives space for kids to imagine themselves into the story.

When we heard about Gabriel’s announcement to Mary that she would give birth to the Messiah, I asked the kids what they thought Mary did next.

“I bet she jumped up and down,” said one little girl.

“I bet she ran to Joseph and said, ‘We have to get married right away!’” said another.
But one little boy said, “I bet she went and poured herself a large brandy!”

—LaVonne Carlson

A parishioner seceded with a few others who were unable to accept the doctrines of the church.

When a clergyman asked this man if he and the others worshiped together, the answer was: “No. I found that they accepted certain points to which I could not agree, so I withdrew from communion with them.”

“Well then,” the pastor continued, “I suppose you and your wife carry on your devotions together at home.”

“Not exactly,” the man admitted. “I found that our views on certain doctrines are not in harmony. Now she worships in the northeast corner of the room and I in the southwest.”

—Cyndi Boss

Leaving church one Sunday morning, a family stopped to shake hands with the minister. Their little boy said, “When I grow up and get rich, I’m going to give you lots of money!”

The minister beamed. “Why do you say that?”
“Because my mother said you were the poorest preacher she ever heard,” the boy said.

—Bob Lubbers

Our son overheard this conversation taking place between his 6-year-old daughter and 3-year-old son. Anna had recently learned about monotheism and polytheism in her Christian school and was set to test her little brother on that.

“Levi, are you a polytheist?” she asked, to which he answered, “Yes.”

Later in the day, she asked him again: “Are you a polytheist or monotheist?” To which he replied, “I’m a SPIDERtheist!”

—Jolene Visser

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