Punch Lines

Point of View
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Two men were shipwrecked on an island. The minute they reached shore, one of them started yelling, “We’re going to die! We’re going to die! There’s no food! No water! We’re going to die!”

The second man sat down and propped himself up against a palm tree, acting so calmly that it further agitated the first man, who exclaimed, “Don’t you understand?! We’re going to die!”

The second man replied, “You don’t understand. I make $100,000 a week.”

The first man looked at him, quite dumbfounded, then shouted, “What difference does that make?! We’re on an island with no food and no water! We’re going to die!”

The second man answered, “You just don’t get it. I make $100,000 a week, and every week I tithe 10 percent. My pastor will find me.”

—Clarence Wildeboer

A new reporter was sent to cover the visit of a Christian Reformed minister. Before his speech, the minister said to a reporter, “When you do your write up, please don’t mention the anecdotes I use. I want to include them in other speeches I’m giving in town.” Thus the reporter wrote, “The good Reverend told several stories that can’t be repeated here.”

—George Vander Weit

Marian had just celebrated her 85th birthday, and in a few months I would celebrate my 87th. For 58 years we enjoyed living in a home built by my father, but we thought it was time to inquire about moving to a local care facility where a number of our friends lived. We made three or four visits, then decided to put our names on the waiting list.

Shortly after that, we visited a funeral home to pay our respects to the family of someone who had died. A friend of ours, who lives at the care facility to which we intended to move, worked part time as a greeter at the funeral home. As we were leaving, she asked us, “So, what’s your target date for coming?” It was the wrong place to ask that question!

—John and Marian Vanden Berg

During a visit, a member of my congregation spoke to me about some of the hardships she had faced in her long life. Those included illnesses, the deaths of family members, and other difficulties. At the end, as a summary of her faith, she said, “I just figured that each one was a bear I had to cross.”

—Larry Fryling

As Noah went around the ark one last time after the flood, he noticed two snakes. He approached the snakes and asked them, “What are you still doing here? You’re supposed to go out into the world and multiply.”

One of the snakes replied, “But, Noah, we can’t. We’re adders.”

—Phillip Baton

Where did Noah keep bees on the ark?

In the archives.

—George Vander Weit

I’ve been one of the teachers in our church’s Children and Worship program for several years now. I especially enjoy the second- and third-grade room, because the children are old enough to think about the Bible story and give some input. So when I taught one September morning, on our third straight day of rain, I decided to use the weather as a springboard for discussion.

First I asked the children if they were having a nice weekend. Not much response.

“The rain is making it a little difficult to do outside activities, isn’t it?” Still nothing.

“So do you think it will rain in heaven?” They looked at me, a little puzzled. I explained that we need water to make things grow, so if there are flowers and trees in heaven, maybe . . .

“So what do you think, kids, will it rain in heaven?”

Finally one second-grader answered my question: “I guess you’ll be the first one to know.”

—Judi Holland

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