Punch Lines

Point of View
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A bar was enlarging its building, hoping to grow its business. A nearby church circulated petitions and prayed fervently to block the bar from expanding.

About a week before the bar’s grand reopening, a bolt of lightning struck the bar and burned it to the ground. The church folks responded by bragging about “the power of prayer.”

The angry bar owner eventually sued the church on grounds that the church “was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, through direct actions or indirect means.” The church vehemently denied all responsibility.

Opening the hearing, the judge said, “It appears from the paperwork that what we have here is a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer and an entire church congregation that does not.”

—George Vanderweit

Recently our 4-year-old daughter participated in the Lord’s Supper for the first time. After the bread and juice were served, she turned to me and said, “Mom, I should’ve saved some of my candy.”

“Why?” I asked.

“So I can have dessert!”

—Sanneke Schievink

Spotted on a church website:

Upcoming Events:
July 10: Sermon on Exodus 40: “How Important Is Church?”
July 31: Church cancelled

—Andrew Beunk

A park ranger was telling a tour group in Hawaii’s Grand Canyon of the Pacific that it took 100,000 years for the canyon to be formed. Suddenly a voice from above said, “I made this.”

No one dared say a word. Finally a young boy, looking up, said, “Lord, why did it take you 100,000 years to make this?

The voice replied, “To me 100,000 years is like a second.”

The boy thought for a moment and then asked, “What is a million dollars to you?”

The voice replied, “To me a million dollars is like a penny.”

The boy’s face lit up. “Lord, can I have a million dollars?”

“Just a second,” was the reply.

—Paul Andringa

Last year my daughter, her husband, and their children lived with me for ten months while my son-in-law was finishing his studies to be a youth pastor. One day their 5-year-old piped up: “Grandma, where did you live before you came to live with us?”

—Margaret DeBoer

One Sunday afternoon, we were enjoying a lunch of buns with meat and cheese. As my husband reached for the last bun with Gouda, my daughter walked in and asked longingly, “Is that Dutch cheese?” To which my husband responded, right before taking a big bite, “It was, but soon it will be Finnish!”

—Monica de Regt

When I picked up my 5-year-old grandson, Benjamin, from preschool, I mentioned to him that today would have been Papa’s birthday. (He had passed away six months earlier.)

After a few minutes, Benjamin said, “I wonder what kind of birthday cake God is making for him!”

—Ravina Kruizenga

After the revival was over, three pastors from three churches were discussing the results.

One said, “The revival worked out great! We gained four new families.”

Another said, “We did better than that. We gained six new families.”

The third said, “We got rid of our 10 biggest troublemakers!”

—Sue Lauritzen

As all the animal pairs were leaving the ark, Noah said to each of them, “Go forth and multiply!”

Coming across two snakes sunning themselves on the bow, he asked, “Why aren’t you going forth and multiplying?”

“We can’t,” replied one snake. “We’re adders.”

—Tom Sorenson

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