Punch Lines

Point of View

When my son was younger, we were working on the sounds that different letters make. At one point we worked on days of the week:

“What does T-T-T-Tuesday start with?” I asked, exaggerating the first letter.

“T!” Josh answered proudly.

“What does F-F-F-Friday start with?”

“F!” said Josh.

“What does S-S-S-Sunday start with?” I continued, convinced I had a child prodigy.

He didn’t hesitate for a moment: “Church!”

—Jim and Rhonda Doll

My 2-year-old granddaughter Zora was concerned about death. She knew her Aunt Wendy’s dog was “not here anymore,” but was convinced he would “come back soon.” She was also learning that I was the mommy of her daddy, and she asked me, “Where’s your mommy?” Hoping to clear up her misconception of death, I told her, “My mommy’s in heaven with Jesus. She’s living in Jesus’ house.”

After a dramatic pause, her face lit up and she exclaimed, “That’s a GREAT idea!”

I agreed.

—Dianne Wolf

Looking over the Order of Worship at a church we were visiting in Florida, we noticed that it said, “Offertory—All to Us.” My husband leaned over and whispered to me, “At least they’re honest.”

We discovered later it was the song played during the offertory.

—Joyce Steen

At a wedding everything went smoothly until it came time for the flower girl and her young escort to walk down the aisle.

The boy stopped at every pew, growling at the guests.

When asked about his behavior afterward, he explained, “I was just trying to be a good ring bear.”

—John Veltkamp

“If you make the toast and coffee, Sweetheart,” said the newlywed bride, “breakfast will be ready.”

“Great! What are we having for breakfast?” asked the new husband.

“Toast and coffee,” she replied.

—John Veltkamp

How do you decide whom to marry? (Written by kids.)

“You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.” (Alan, age 10)

“No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.” (Kristen, age 10)

 

What is the right age to get married?

“Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.” (Camille, age 10)

 

What do most people do on a date?

“Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.” (Lynnette, age 8)

“On the first date they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.” (Martin, age 10)

 

When is it OK to kiss someone?

“When they’re rich.” (Pam, age 7)

“The law says you have to be 18, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.” (Curt, age 7)

“The rule goes like this: if you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.” (Howard, age 8)

 

Is it better to be single or married?

“It’s better for girls to be single, but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.” (Anita, age 9)

—Herman G. Kelderman

It’s your turn! Have you got a joke or a funny story you’d like to share with us? Send it to The Banner at 2850 Kalamazoo Ave SE, Grand Rapids, MI 49560; or email it to editorial@thebanner.org. Thank you!

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here is a joke that you can publish

WHAT WAS THAT?

One Sunday after church, Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about. Her daughter answered, “Don’t be scared, you’ll get your quilts.” Needless to say, Mom was perplexed.

Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea. Mom asked him what that morning’s Sunday school lesson was about. He said, “Be not afraid, thy Comforter is coming.”

"...keep the chips and dip coming"?! Is this just some children unaware of what they're saying, or are they learning sexism in their homes? I surely hope it's the former.

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