One evening after GEMS (girls’ club) I chatted with a counselor and two mothers, while one of their daughters waited nearby. We were talking about how busy we get. I mentioned that we should delegate more. Perplexed, the little girl asked, “Mommy, what does delegate mean?”
“Well, it’s when you get people to help you with things, like when I ask you to help with the dishes,” her mother answered.
“Hmm,” said the girl, “so it’s a bad word then.”
— Jessica Côté
Arecent “Friendship Service” at Covenant Christian Reformed Church in St. Catharines, Ontario, was full of energy and praise noise as usual. All the friends were excited about taking part in the service and dramatizing the Bible story. During the offering, our leader/guitar player/storyteller Elly Hoff was making sure all was ready, but suddenly she and co-leader Angie Van Berkel looked worried. They said, “We can’t find the friends who are going to be the robbers in Jesus’ story!”
Another leader, Liz Williamson, overheard the commotion and said, “Don’t worry. The robbers are taking up the collection.”
Irecently spent a week at my youngest son Paul’s place in Nova Scotia. One evening, while sitting peacefully in the living room, my son asked my grandson, “Steven, do you want to be an organ donor?”
Steven looked up enthusiastically and with shining eyes answered, “Yes, sure!”
After a moment he looked up again and said hesitantly, “But after I die, right?”
Aminister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, “If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and pour it in the river.” With even greater emphasis he said, “And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and pour it in the river.” Finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said, “And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d take it and pour it in the river.”
Sermon complete, he sat down. The song leader stood and announced with a smile, “For our closing song, let us sing hymn no. 365, “Shall We Gather at the River.”
It was a small church in the South. The pastor preached a long sermon, and the prayer was long too. A man named Deacon Brown was seen nodding, and at one point his head fell back in deep sleep. When the pastor finally announced the offering, only three of the four deacons rose. So the preacher called out, “Brother Brown, I believe it’s your turn.”
Deacon Brown replied, “I just dealt.”
At the end of the day the police officer parked his van in front of the station. As he gathered his equipment, his K-9 partner, Jake, began barking. The officer looked up to see a little boy staring at him.
“Is that a dog you got back there?” he asked.
“It sure is,” the officer replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at the dog in the van, then back at the officer.
Finally he said, “What’d he do?”
—Bob and Ina Vandermaas
My next-door neighbor was working in his backyard with his Weed Whacker when his cat suddenly appeared and he accidentally cut off its tail. He immediately took his cat to Wal-Mart, since it’s the biggest retailer in the country.
My daughter-in-law took my granddaughter Raquel to the Christian school bazaar, where Raquel won a goldfish as a prize for a game she played. As a boy was putting the fish in the bag of water, she wondered aloud what she should name it. “How ‘bout ‘Dead in Two Days,’” the boy joked.
Two days later, on a Sunday morning, Raquel’s dad found her sitting at the kitchen table with her head in her hands. “How’s your fish?” he asked. She looked up with tears in her eyes and said, “He’s dead.”