As a pastor I recently had the unusual experience of performing a wedding ceremony for a couple in our local hospital. I excitedly shared this news with my wife and 7-year-old granddaughter.
Me: “I married someone at the hospital today!”
Granddaughter: “Oh, but can I still keep my same Nanna? I love my Nanna!”
Shortly after his retirement, a pastor and his wife decided to join a certain congregation.
Not too long after that, another retired ministerial couple joined the same church. The Sunday this was noted in the church bulletin, a long-time member was heard to comment innocently, “Hey, it looks like we are becoming the suppository for retired preachers.”
During communion one Sunday, my then 4-year-old grandson wanted some of the bread and grape juice. His mother explained that when he made profession of faith someday, he could. He looked up at the ceiling and said, “Really, God? Why can’t I have some?”
Tasked with presenting the children’s message on Pentecost Sunday, I decided to use some props to explain how Pentecost is like the birthday of the New Testament church. I held up a birthday cake with a solitary candle for the children to see, and then lit the candle, asking kids to identify what was on my cake.
“It’s fire!” said a small boy.
Thinking we were on track for a great lesson, I quickly said, “Yes! And what was on the apostles‘ heads at Pentecost?”
“Birthday cake!” replied an enthusiastic little girl.
—Heidi de Vries
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her 5- and 6-year-olds. After explaining the commandment “honor thy father and mother,” he asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, “Thou shalt not kill.”
Spotted on a church sign in Cobden, Ontario:
Garden for God
Lettuce Be Kind
I took my 3-year-old granddaughter to John Ball Zoo in Grand Rapids, Mich. The zoo features a life-size statue of founder John Ball just outside the entrance. Children always climb onto the statue’s lap. When my granddaughter was sitting on John Ball’s lap, I asked her if she knew who that man was. She replied, “Jesus?”
Two guys were fishing on a Sunday morning and feeling pretty guilty. Said one to the other, “I suppose we should have stayed home and gone to church.”
To which the second angler replied: “I couldn’t have gone to church anyway. My wife is sick in bed.”