Punch Lines

Point of View
|

My mother, Alida, sat down for breakfast and opened the meal with, “Thank you, Lord, for this new day.”

Across the table, her son did a few quick calculations and then said, “Well, you’ve just said thanks for the 33,788th new day.”

Never one to miss a beat, my mom, age 92, laughed and replied immediately, “Seems like he is listening!”

—Alida Reitsma

My son, his wife, and two children skied for the morning, and then went out to eat at a restaurant. My 4-year-old granddaughter ordered bacon and eggs. When the waitress asked, “How would you like your eggs?” my granddaughter replied, “Cooked!”

—Jim and Betsy McClure

Seen on a church billboard: “Fight truth decay, read your Bible.”

—I. Payne

A father sat in church with three of his young children. As usual, they sat in the very front row so the children could properly witness the service.

During this particular service, the minister was performing the baptism of an infant. The 5-year-old daughter watched carefully as the minister spoke the words of baptism while pouring water over the baby’s head.

With a quizzical expression, the little girl turned to her father and said, “Daddy, why is he brainwashing that baby?”

—Clarence Wildeboer

I was preparing to go to a pool for a swim with my two daughters, ages 4 and one-and-a-half. The youngest had just scratched her knee and said she had better not go into the water.

I told her that the water would help heal her “owie.”

To which my other daughter responded, “That’s psychology!”

—Sandy Sall

A woman was mailing a Bible to a friend. Arriving at the counter, the postal employee asked, “Is there anything breakable in the package?”

The woman replied, “Only the Ten Commandments!”

—Lew Brasser

In my grandson’s home, mom and dad take turns every other night tucking in their youngsters by reading a book and hearing their prayers. One night it was dad’s turn, but his son kept asking for mom. My grandson explained that it was his turn, but the tears and asking for mom continued. Finally he said, “Son, if you ask for Mom one more time I will have to discipline you.”

His reply: “Daddy, could you please send your wife in here to tuck me in?”

—Caroline Douma

Our grandchildren, Laura, 8, Rachel, 5, and Olivia, 3, enjoy watching home movies. Some of these movies were taken before they were born. Watching one of those, Olivia asked, “Where am I?”

Rachel’s response: “You were with God.”

—Pieter and Andrea Miedema

An earnest discussion occurred about what would happen to our beloved daisy dog, Kimi Soo, when my husband and I die. The decision was reached that granddaughter Lucy will “inherit” Kimi Soo.

One day Lucy asked, “If you and Grandpa Jack die in Florida, how will Kimi Soo get to me in Michigan?”

Not to worry—Lucy’s uncle (not a dog lover) has assured her he will deliver the dog!

—Arden Post

X