Got an Odd Job?
Odd as in unusual—heard of the guy who chauffeurs rare chickens to and from a historic site? Tell us about your job in 100 words or less, and you might appear in a future Banner article. (We’re asking on this page since we know you’ll read it.) Please send your description to email@example.com, with “Odd Jobs” in the subject line. Or mail it to “Odd Jobs,” The Banner, 2850 Kalamazoo Ave. SE, Grand Rapids, MI 49560. Thanks. And while you’re at it, we can always use more jokes.
A Jewish rabbi and a Catholic priest met at the town’s annual summer picnic. Old friends, they began their usual banter:
”This ham is delicious,” the priest teased the rabbi. “I know it’s against your religion, but I can’t understand why such a wonderful food should be forbidden! You don’t know what you’re missing. You just haven’t lived till you’ve tasted Mrs. Hall’s prized Virginia ham. Tell me, Rabbi, when are you going to break down and try it?”
The rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin and said, “At your wedding.”
—Ken Van Dellen
A priest, a minister, and a guru sat discussing the best positions for prayer, while a telephone repairman worked nearby.
”Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray,” the priest said.
“No,” said the minister. “I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to heaven.”
“You’re both wrong,” the guru said. “The most effective prayer position is lying down on the floor.”
The repairman could contain himself no longer. “Hey, fellas,” he interrupted. “The best prayin’ I ever did was when I was hangin’ upside down from a telephone pole.”
One Sunday morning a mother went to wake her son for church, to which he replied, “I’m not going.”
”Why not?” she asked.
“I’ll give you two good reasons,” he said. “One, they don’t like me. And, two, I don’t like them.”
“I’ll give you two good reasons why you should go,” said his mom. “One, you’re 59 years old. And, two, you’re the pastor!”
The pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church, staring up at a large plaque covered with names. The 7-year-old hadn’t moved for some time, so the pastor walked up to him and said quietly, “Good morning, Alex.”
”Good morning, Pastor,” the boy replied, still focused on the plaque. “What is this?”
“Well, son, it’s a memorial to those who’ve died in the service.”
Soberly, they stood together, staring at the plaque. Finally, in a voice barely audible and trembling with fear, Alex asked, “Which service, the 9:45 or the 11:15?”
Two novice hunters were dragging a deer back to their truck. A third hunter happened by and said, “It’s easier if you drag the deer in the other direction, so the antlers don’t dig into the ground.” After the other hunter left, the two decided to try his advice. After a while, one said, “Man, that guy was right. This is easier.”
”Yes,” said the other, “but we’re getting farther and farther from the truck.”
When introducing “praise and worship” songs to a congregation not very familiar with contemporary worship (and not always eager to sing some of those “ditties”), we list in the bulletin whether each song is from the Psalter Hymnal, Sing! A New Creation, or some other source. For Sing! we use the abbreviation SANC. One member was overheard asking another what that stood for. His answer: “Sing, and no complaining.”
One of the first assignments our youngest son, David, received in first or second grade was to describe his family. He wrote, “I have a dad and a mom, two big sisters, and one big bother.”
—John and Marian Vanden Berg
Q: Who was the most unkind man in the Bible until he married?
A: Boaz. He was Ruthless.