Punch Lines

Point of View
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I was watching my 5-year-old boy kneeling by his bed. He was saying his bedtime prayer. Soon he finished, but he tensed up and whispered a sentence over and over again. I could not figure it out. Finally he stopped, got up, and said, “You want to know what I was praying, Mom?” I nodded eagerly. “I was asking God, ‘Please don’t end the world tonight.’”

It was Christmas Eve.

—Frances Kok

 

An elderly woman, giving directions to her grown grandson who was coming to visit with his wife, said, “Come to the front door of the apartment building. On your right you’ll see a panel with buttons. Use your elbow to push button 301, and I’ll buzz you in. Turn left to the elevator and use your elbow to press the elevator button. Once inside, push the Floor 3 button with your elbow. When you get out, I’m on the left.”

“Grandma,” the grandson replied, “that sounds easy enough, but why do I need to push all those buttons with my elbow?”

She replied, “You’re not coming empty-handed, are you?”

—George Vander Weit

 

After an accident, a man was in a coma for 10 days. When he finally woke, his faithful wife was the first to greet him. He told her, “I have faced many troubles and trials, and you have gone through each one of them with me. When we were skiing and I broke my leg, you cared for me while I recovered. When I choked on that piece of steak, your Heimlich maneuver saved my life. When I lost my job, you told me to never give up. Honey, you’re wonderful.

“But you know, sweetheart, I’m beginning to think you bring me bad luck.”

—Conn Witt

 

My husband and I often take walks, and since I have asthma he will pull me up hills. He does that with the help of a long strap that he puts on his shoulders. One day we were with our grandchildren when 7-year-old Clarissa came up beside me and asked, “May I walk Grandpa for a while?”

—Peta Velthuizen

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