Punch Lines

Point of View
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A rabbi, a priest, and a minister walk into a bar, and the bartender looks up and says, “What is this, a joke?”

—Michael Boerman

A parts manager for a small electronics shop had occasion to order part number 669 from the factory. But when he received it, he noticed that the part was marked 699 instead.

Frustrated by the factory’s incompetence, he promptly sent the part back, along with a letter giving the manager a piece of his mind.

Less than a week later, he received the same package back with a brief note: “Turn the part over.”

—John Veltkamp

Ann D. goes to her first show at an art gallery and looks at the paintings. One is a huge black canvas with yellow blobs of paint splattered all over it. The next is a murky gray color with drips of purple paint streaked across it. Finally, Ann walks over to the artist and says, “I don’t understand your paintings.”

“I paint what I feel inside me,” explains the artist.

Ann asks, “Have you ever tried Alka-Seltzer?”

—John Veltkamp

The Sunday school lesson was on the parable of the Prodigal Son.

“And what happened when the lost son returned?” asked the teacher.

“His father went to meet him and hurt himself,” replied one of the students.

“Hurt himself?” asked the teacher. “Tell us where you learned that.”

“From the Bible, sir. It says his father ran to meet him and fell on his neck.”

—Lucy Kampstra

It was the beginning of the Lenten season, and my husband and I were trying to explain to our young children the concept of giving up something for “40 whole days.” When we asked if they thought our family should pick something to give up for Lent, they enthusiastically agreed. Feeling quite proud of my “holy” little ones, I then asked what they thought it should be. After a moment our oldest daughter, then 5, said, “Um . . . how about church?”

—Jennifer DeYoung

Our church recently had the joy of receiving a family with three young daughters ages 8, 6, and 4. The 8-year-old had previously been baptized, but not the younger two. When they were baptized, the 6-year-old came forward joyfully to receive the sacrament, but the 4-year-old held back and was visibly apprehensive. After the service, the girls’ grandmother explained why. The 8-year-old had told her youngest sister that when she was baptized, she would be dunked. Naked.

—Bill Vis

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