Punch Lines

Point of View
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John Ortberg told this one when he spoke at Calvin College's 2009 January Series:

Achurch had just received its first computer, and the secretary used it to prepare the baptismal order of worship when little Mary was baptized. When baby Edna was to be baptized a few months later, the church secretary pulled up the file with the baptism liturgy and did a "search and replace" to change "Mary" to "Edna." She was quite embarrassed on Sunday when the congregation recited the Apostles' Creed, a part of the baptismal liturgy, and said, "I believe in God the Father Almighty . . . and in Jesus Christ, who was conceived by the Holy Spirit and born of the virgin Edna."

—George Vander Weit

Point to ponder: People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.

—Joanne Vriend

Astring entered the classroom of English literature students. Immediately their teacher said, "We do not want a string in here!"

Angrily twisting and turning, the string left, but after a few minutes returned. The teacher asked, "Are you the string I told to leave?"

"No," the string answered. "I'm a frayed knot." (Groan.)

—Herm Dikkers

My daughter Mary, a first-grader, has a little friend named Maya in her class. I was surprised one day when Mary declared, "Maya is in the Bible." I protested, of course.

"No, Mom, she is in the Bible," Mary insisted.

"How is that?" I asked.

Her older brother had been learning the books of the Bible and melodically reciting them every night. Mary proudly echoed, "Ezra, Ne-he-MIAH. . . ."

I stood corrected.

—Joyce Suh

The new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, please stand up!"

After a few seconds, little Davey stood up. "Do you think you're stupid, Davey?" the teacher asked.

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself."

—Anonymous

My mother was coming to spend the holidays with us. Since we don't see her very often, I was trying to get my 3-year-old excited about her upcoming visit. I said, "Reagan, Grandma's coming soon! Are you going to come with Mommy to the airport to pick her up?"

"No, I can't." Reagan replied. "She's too heavy."

—Nicole Foster


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