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When I got home last night my wife demanded that we go out to some place really expensive.

So I took her to a gas station.
—George Vander Weit

Awhile back, robed and ready to preach Jesus to the congregation of LaGrave Avenue CRC, Grand Rapids, Mich., I ascended the steps into the pulpit, only to see my carefully crafted sermon notes scattered over the floor. Smiling, I calmly announced, “God’s Word comes to us this morning from Genesis 12. While you are finding the passage, I’m going to pick up my notes.” As I scrambled to do so, I heard some members of the congregation laughing. When I popped up from behind the pulpit and saw several smiling with support, I thought, “It’s nice to be loved.” It wasn’t till after the service that I learned many had heard, “I’m going to pick my nose. . .”
—Mike Hoogeboom

We became members of Orangeville (Ont.) Christian Reformed Church in 1974. One Sunday morning soon after, as the congregation waited quietly for the church council and the visiting minister to enter the sanctuary, we heard the sound of uproarious laughter from the council room. After the service an elder explained what happened. He told me the minister had related a story about a colleague who had come from Holland in the ’50s and started his Canadian experience in a small rural church. The ladies in the congregation took turns to start a fire in the study every winter morning to ensure it would be comfortable for the minister. Still learning the English language and its many idioms, the minister addressed the congregation at the first spring meeting. He first wanted to thank the ladies in the congregation who had “kept him in heat for the winter.”
—Fred Knetsch

Sjoerd, living in a small village in Friesland, the Netherlands, had his bicycle stolen. Furious, he asked the dominee (minister) to do something about it. The dominee told him not to worry—he would preach on the Ten Commandments the following Sunday, and that should take care of it.

Much to the dominee’s surprise, Sjoerd walked out of church before the dominee got to “Thou shalt not steal.”  When the dominee confronted him, Sjoerd explained, “When you got to the seventh commandment, I remembered where I left my bicycle.”
|—Dick Bylsma

Apreacher one day
was asked to pray
at a hot-shot family meal.
He was about to begin
when he got a funny grin
and came out with a hefty sneeze.
He tried to move the soup on his plate,
But lo and behold he was far too late.
He sheepishly looked up
with his eye on his son
and simply asked,
“Did I miss anyone?”
—Ralph Nienhouse

Unusual Signs

In a safari park: Elephants Please Stay in Your Car

In a farmer’s field: The Farmer Allows Walkers to Cross the Field for Free. The Bull Charges.

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