"She's a smart and good student; her problem is that she never speaks in class." This was the comment I dreaded hearing from teachers each year growing up. While these comments probably came from a good place, they led me to believe there was something wrong with the way I was. I've always been a naturally quiet and more reserved person, especially in large group settings.
As I grew up, it never stopped being a topic of conversation so I wrestled with it often. One time I applied for my school's honor society and was denied for not being an outspoken leader. It was made clear to me in no uncertain terms that I was quiet and that was a bad thing.
After struggling deeply with this continual rejection, I went to college with the mission of changing. During my time as a student at Calvin University, I pushed myself to raise my hand, voice an opinion, and lead group projects no matter how unnatural it felt. I repeatedly put myself in uncomfortable situations to prove to myself that I was "getting better." I’m pretty sure I still maintained a reputation of being a quiet girl, but I never felt so loud in my life.
In our current culture, volume seems to be the ultimate winner. Being outspoken, outgoing, and leading verbally are especially prized attributes. Everyone is talking, but nobody is listening.
1 Corinthians 12:4-6 says, “There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work."
It is wonderful to acknowledge the wide variety of gifts and skills the Spirit gives us. This is what helps us as individuals join together to become the unified body of Christ. There is nothing wrong with being an eloquent speaker or a person who can lead a group or congregation, and there is nothing wrong with being a listener, a discerner, or a person who loves to serve quietly. All are important; but often only one is prized.
The Bible makes clear that listening is a desirable attribute for everyone. Proverbs 18:13 highlights this point: "To answer before listening—that is folly and shame." Additionally, James 1:19 says, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak."
I encourage members of the church to consider each gift of equal value. Instead of thinking about ways people can be changed and molded to fit a particular spiritual gift, consider ways a person can be encouraged to grow the gifts they already have. Creating spaces and roles for listeners to serve is one way to achieve this. Some examples are serving as a mentor to someone who needs a listening ear, taking detailed notes and summarizing sermons or congregational meetings, and interceding in prayer for others. As a church, if we come together we can create a place for everyone at the table.
Today, I am a public defender. My job is literally to speak on behalf of others. I have never once been thanked for how well I argued a motion or cross-examined a witness. However, I am routinely thanked by my clients for simply listening to them when no one else would. Being able to use my gift in that quiet, often unseen and forgotten, way is the most fulfilling thing of all.
About the Author
Jasmine Castelan grew up in Sioux Center, Iowa, and attended Faith CRC. After graduating from Calvin University and the University of Iowa College of Law, she moved to Rochester, N.Y., and is a public defender.