How Do I Help My Child Understand ‘Unanswered’ Prayers?

When prayers are not answered the way we want, how do I help my child understand?

Children sometimes can think of prayer as a way to present God with a list of things they’d like God to do. This makes sense because, in Philippians 4:6 we read, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”

The Bible is full of instances of people asking God for help. There are powerful examples of answered prayer from Abraham and Sarah praying for a son to Jonah praying in the belly of a big fish. But there are also instances where the requests were not granted, as in 2 Samuel 12, where David pleads for the life of his son, who subsequently dies.

How do we make sense of these varying stories? Here are two things that might help children understand prayer better. First, remind them that God does not promise us that things will be easy or that things will go the way we want them to, but that, no matter what, God holds us firmly in his hand and will bring grace into brokenness. Think about the story of Joseph in the Old Testament. Many awful things happened to Joseph, but as Joseph later says, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives” (Gen. 50:20). Help children see how God is at work in difficult times.

Finally, teaching that prayer is more than just requests can be helpful. The ACTS acronym, for example, reminds us that adoration, confession, thanksgiving, and supplication all belong in our prayers. Those words will likely need to be unpacked for children (perhaps as love, sorry, thank you, and please) but knowing that prayer is talking with God and not just asking for things is an important part of learning to pray.