So what’s caught your funny bone lately? Share your hoots with the rest of us at email@example.com or send to The Banner at 2850 Kalamazoo Ave. SE, Grand Rapids, MI 49560. Please include the word “Humor” in the subject line of e-mails. And if you’re tempted to “borrow” from other publications, do remember that the eighth commandment (“You shall not steal”) is not a joke.
When our daughter Alexandra was four years old, she and I were sitting in church before the service. In a sad voice she said to me, “Papi, Jesus died on the cross.” Seeking to console her (with good theology, no less), I said, “Yes, but you know what? Jesus came back from the dead. He’s alive!” I’ll always wonder what the Lord thought of her next comment. Ignoring my consolation altogether, she quickly chided, “He needs to be more careful next time.”—Dave Gifford
After 20 years stranded on a desert island, John was finally rescued.
Looking back toward the island as they were leaving, his rescuer noticed three structures. “Were you the only one on the island all this time?” he asked.
“Yes, I was,” replied John.
“I see three buildings there. Can you tell me what they were for?”
“Well,” said John, “the one in the middle is my house, and the one on the right is my church.”
“What about the third building?”
With a contrite look, John replied, “Oh, that’s the church I USED to go to.” —Marcia Wolff
One Monday morning I ran into a preschooler who’s a friend of mine. She excitedly said, “I learned a memory verse about YOU!” I wondered what that could be, so I said, “You did? What was it?” She replied proudly, “Shirley goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life!” I encouraged her never to forget that special verse! —Shirley Sybesma
At Hudsonville (Mich.) Christian School this year the theme is “The Names of Jesus.” Every month a different name of Jesus is emphasized. Mrs. Hager, the music teacher, has been selecting songs that fit this theme. One morning when she asked if anyone remembered what September’s special name for Jesus was, a third-grader piped up, “Alfalfa and Omega!” —Karen Ophoff
A Sunday school teacher was explaining the story of Elijah and the false prophets of Baal. She told the children how Elijah cut a bull in pieces, laid it on the altar, and commanded the people to pour water over it. “Now,” said the teacher, “why would God have Elijah pour water over the bull?” A little girl raised her hand with great enthusiasm and said, “To make the gravy!” —Sandy Swartzentruber
A little girl was sitting on her grandfather’s lap as he read her a bedtime story.
From time to time she took her eyes off the book and reached up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She stroked her own cheek, then his again.
Finally she spoke up, “Grandpa, did God make you?”
“Yes, sweetheart,” he answered, “God made me a long time ago.”
“Oh.” She paused. “Grandpa, did God make me too?”
“Yes, indeed, honey,” he said. “God made you just a little while ago.”
Feeling their faces again, she observed, “God’s getting better at it, isn’t he?” —Don and Marge Ballast