A pastor was having an awful time with his congregation and eventually decided to pack it in.
At the close of the next Sunday-morning service, he announced, “Some years ago Jesus brought me to this congregation. Jesus is now taking me away from it.”
With those remarks he sat down abruptly, leaving it to the organist to announce the closing hymn: “What a Friend We Have in Jesus.”
(from Mikey’s Funnies)
While visiting a retirement home a pastor asked a resident, “Do you know who I am?”
“No,” said the resident, “but you may go to the office—they’ll be able to tell you.”
—Rev. Vernon Luchies
I was driving my 8-year-old son to a Cadet floor hockey tournament, which was being held at our local army base. As we were driving out of the city, he asked, “Where are we going?”
“To the tournament,” I said.
“But where is it?” he asked.
I informed him that it was being held in a gym at the place where our army is. He got a startled look on his face and asked incredulously, “We’re driving to Afghanistan ?!”
My family has long lamented that we cannot have a pet because of my allergies. One day I brought my two little girls to an antiques shop. As we browsed, my 3 —year—old noticed a few displays of taxidermy. Wide—eyed she asked me about them. I explained that they were “stuffed but real” animals. I knew she understood when she asked, “Mommy, could we have a dead pet?”
I have the privilege of home schooling our children. My 7-year-old son and I struggle with his penmanship. One day I told him, “You’ve got to learn to form your letters correctly, or you’ll have a really hard time learning cursive writing.”
That piqued his interest, and he asked to be shown what cursive writing looks like. He then begged to learn it now. Seeing no harm in this—and the potential for struggle-free penmanship time—I agreed.
He completed his assignment as perfectly as a 7-year-old boy can, and I excused him for the day.
Later I overheard him proudly talking to his sister: “Mom is teaching me this new style of writing that you learn in grade three! It’s called cursing!”
My son’s family started early with their children’s spiritual training, reading Scripture at the table and teaching responses we use in worship. One morning everyone was rushed and running behind schedule, so Mother said, “We’re in such a hurry this morning there won’t be time for the Word of the Lord.”
To which 4-year-old Josie dutifully responded, “Thanks be to God.”
When our kids were younger, evening meal devotions included a children’s Bible story. One evening we came to the story of the Good Samaritan. We read about how robbers set upon a traveler on the Jericho road and beat him. Then they left him lying half dead by the road, where a Samaritan found him and nursed him back to health.
As we finished reading, I could tell our youngest was bothered by something, so I let her look more closely at the picture. After a little while, she turned to me and asked, “Daddy, which half was dead?”