At a high school in Montana, a group of students played a prank. They let loose three goats in the school. But before turning them loose, they painted numbers on the sides of the goats: 1, 2, and 4.
School administrators spent most of the day looking for No. 3.
In a hurry, a minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he couldn’t find a space with a meter. He left a note under the windshield wiper: “I have circled the block 10 times. If I don’t park here, I’ll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses.”
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer, along with this note: “I’ve circled this block for 10 years. If I don’t give you a ticket, I’ll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation.”
Many years ago a minister and his wife were visiting us one afternoon. The children came home from school, and our 10-year-old son went upstairs and opened his bedroom door. Our rather wild dog jumped out, and in a panic our son raced down the stairs after him. He knew he was not supposed to let the dog out when we had guests.
When he got downstairs he found the minister petting and admiring the dog and smiling at the fearful boy.
Our son was so relieved. He waved to them when they left. Then he ran over to me, saying, “Mom! That minister is so nice! He is soooooo nice. Maybe he doesn’t mean what he says on the pulpit.”
A prayer written at school by my 8-year-old son:
“If you can understand this, please answer it. My Calvin and Hobbes books are taken away for a week. Please make Mom nicer.”
A child of the 00s!:
One night as she was getting ready for bed, 2-and-a-half-year-old Ellie’s daddy was telling her a bedtime story. That evening the story was about Noah and the ark. Ellie was getting so excited that she kept running to tell her mommy what was happening. At one point she ran up and said, “Mommy! That guy—oh, I can’t remember his name—anyway, that guy who told Noah to build a big boat? He said, ‘Noah, you have to build a big boat because these people here all have issues!”
I grew up on an Iowa farm back in the late 1930s and early 1940s. Back then our road was dirt. One day after it had rained, some people came through and got stuck. They went to a neighbor’s house for help. He went over with his team of horses and pulled them out. Afterward, a lady of the group said, “We are Nuts.”
“You would have to be to come down this road on a day like this,” my neighbor replied.
And the lady said, “No, no—
that’s our name.”
—Al Van Zee
Seen on a church sign:
“Don’t wait for six strong men to take you to church.”
Our family reviews Sunday school lessons around the dinner table. My wife asked our 4-year-old if she knew the name of the people who followed Jesus. “Sure,” our daughter replied. “The 12 recyclers.”
Eighty-five years old and with failing eyesight, I went to the store to get some soup. When the grocer asked if I wanted alphabet soup, I said, “Yes, if I can get it in large print.”