The Lord Provides

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“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” —Jeremiah 29:11

This was the promise that God gave me on March 14, 2014, exactly a month before I could conceive Jeremiah, who is now 11 years old. I was waiting in my gynecologist’s office that morning, totally frustrated, hopeless, and dejected after nine long years of fertility treatments, waiting, and disappointment.

The office was empty since I was the first person present. I closed my eyes and framed these words in my mind: “Lord, won’t you give me one more child? Am I not worthy enough to have one more baby?” It was at this moment that my phone made a noise of notification: someone had sent me an email.

I’m not great at checking emails promptly, but that day I opened it right away, and the first thing I saw was Jeremiah 29:11. I hungrily held the promise close to my heart and one more time with all my faith (just the size of a mustard seed). I closed my eyes and prayed, “God, beggars can’t be choosers, I am not going to ask for a girl. We already have a boy (Joshua, our first-born is now 21 years old, has severe autism, and is nonverbal), but if it’s your will, if you let us have one more boy, we will definitely name him Jeremiah.”

That month, the treatment was not fruitful. But God held me closer and filled my heart with happiness so that my doubts fell away, and I was able to cling to his promise and continue with the treatment. The next month I conceived Jeremiah.

From the very first day, I was bleeding profusely. This caused fear and doubts in my heart. That's what the evil one will do. I forgot all the promises, and fear gripped me. Finally, when I was 15 weeks pregnant, I had blood work done as well as a gender scan.

We came home that day, and in a few hours the nurse called us and gave us the worst news possible. She said our baby had trisomy-18 and that it could not survive. She advised that it would be wise to get rid of the baby from my womb.

I felt shattered, as any mother would. I gave the phone to my husband and ran into the bedroom.

I remember kneeling down and crying for only a few seconds.

Suddenly, like a slide show, all the promises that God gave me appeared in front of my eyes. My tears dried and disappeared. God renewed my spirits within me. Just the way Hannah ceased to worry after leaving her burden at God’s feet, I too felt light and happy, filled completely with his joy. This is no power of mine because “his strength is made perfect in our weakness” (2 Cor. 12:9). After that, I asked only for one thing. I prayed, “God I am ready to believe without seeing, but to carry and deliver this baby I need my husband’s support. Amen.” By then my husband was done talking with the nurse, who wanted us to go to the hospital on Monday for the final procedure.

I could see the fear in my husband’s tear-filled eyes. I cried one last time and said, “He is our baby, and we have named him already.” In that moment, God gave him the strength to say, “Whatever it is, he is our baby; let us have him.” It was enough for me at that time. I didn’t shed even one tear after that.

That same day God led me to give testimony in our Tamil fellowship meeting and again the following Sunday in our church. He led me to repeat the same in our church service as well. Without any premeditation on my part, God put words in my mouth to say, “This is not a prayer request but a thanksgiving testimony. The reports say my baby has trisomy-18 and will not come out alive, but my God is faithful to his promises. I am carrying a whole, healthy, and healed baby and am going to deliver the same.”

I had to visit the hospital as frequently as three to four times a week. Every time, new technicians and doctors in the scan room or elsewhere would ask me innumerable questions about my decision. God put the spirit of cheerfulness in my heart, and I was always full of laughter and smiles. It was clear some of them thought I was a pathetic, illiterate woman who couldn’t understand English. But when God would speak through me and explain, they would quietly go away.

After this, twice I heard my husband say “Whatever it is, he is our baby, and we have decided to have him.” But our good Lord gave me the strength to stop him and say, “I am carrying a whole, healthy, and healed baby.”

Our good Lord is so faithful to his promises, even though I am a broken vessel and totally unworthy of his mercies. God mercifully strengthened me through those promises each day. He kept giving me promises to reassure me. I could feel God’s presence at all times. He held me in his mighty arms and carried me along so that I didn’t have to walk on the rocky road. All I did was happily rest on God’s promises.

He gave me Jeremiah 1:5 as a reassurance, which says, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born, I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” That’s exactly what he did. He had led me to name my baby even before (exactly a month before) I would conceive him.

On Dec. 6, 2014, to everybody’s surprise, God blessed us with our whole healthy, and healed baby Jeremiah. We serve an awesome God, the maker of heaven and the universe. Nothing is too difficult for him.

All praise and glory be to my Savior and friend, Jesus alone, always!