Perhaps it sounds weird to say I was captivated by this grief memoir, but I am deeply appreciative of Amber Smith’s perspective. Smith does not sugarcoat things as she shares her journey with heartache; she shares her experiences with the reader: real and honest, devastating and raw. Her tender account of losing her toddler son is heart-wrenching and beautiful at the same time. She feels and experiences all the specific nuances of her grief and motherhood. The reader can easily imagine the cool, private comfort of the bathroom tiles as she pours out her story. It’s not hard to visualize the scenes she paints with her words and details; her story makes grief vividly relatable. In making herself known and vulnerable, Smith makes the reader feel seen, present, and valuable. The tone of the story is as if Smith is chatting friend to friend.
Through the death of their son, God truly “awakened” the souls of Smith and her husband. They learned through pain and brokenness that “God’s faithfulness shines brightest in the darkest places.” They made a commitment to be united with each other in their grief even though they grieved differently.
Smith warns readers that comparison is a thief to joy and that grief touches every life differently. Grief is unpredictable, and we should not let the opinions of outside people matter to our grief processes. Smith also warns readers the enemy, Satan, is “sneaky.” He will try to take advantage of us during our grief and difficulty; he will try to convince us through his lies that we are beyond repair and that God is not a good God.
This book reminds us God is still good even when we don’t understand him. We cannot discern all the ways he uses suffering to change and transform us. In the ashes of her grief, Smith kept seeking Jesus and surrendering to him. She refused the enemy’s lies that told her God had abandoned her and her family. With the help of counselors and friends she chose intimacy rather than isolation or idolatry. She nourished herself with the Word of God and learned grief and joy doesn't have to compete for space within our hearts. We can welcome them both at the same time. This memoir is powerful, and God can use it to powerfully impact people who are facing griefs of many different kinds. We can pursue and thank the Giver even when we are called to painfully release the gift. (Thomas Nelson 2025)
About the Author
Amie Spriensma is an online chaplain for ReFrame Ministries and a regional disability advocate for the CRC. She lives, works, and worships in Allendale, Mich., where she is a member of Rusk CRC.